During February we are drawn to love, service, and expressing kindness to those closest to us. It is known as the month of flowers and chocolates, candy hearts and valentines, love notes, and candlelight dinners. February is the month of romance and focusing on relationships. Sometimes it's hard to focus on a love relationship when the relationship we have with ourselves might be struggling.
I wanted to bring forward a very basic concept, that when we are able to nurture and build our own self-esteem we are more likely to have greater success and connection in a love relationship. What does it mean to nurture and build our own self-esteem? It would mean listening to our own inner voice, identifying what our needs are, and rather than expecting others to fill those needs, leaning into personal responsibility and meeting those needs for ourselves.
Examples of nurturing and doing self-care:
Instead of seeking validation from others, we internally validate ourselves, our progress, and our successes.
Instead of waiting for someone to give us permission to take a break, we give ourselves permission to take a break.
Instead of putting off time to exercise, or start that hobby or project that we have been wanting to be involved in . . . we just do it!
This Valentine’s day let’s focus on healthy self-love by learning how to recognize “stinkin' thinkin’" sooner and then replacing those old narratives with ‘positive patterns’ of kind thoughts and affirmations. Negative thoughts are more prevalent when we are in judgment towards ourselves. Judgment is the absence of acceptance. When we are in judgment or comparing ourselves to others, we are in suffering and misery. All judgment is self-judgment. Even when we are judging others, . . . we are really just judging ourselves while we are picking them apart.
“Comparison is the death of joy.”
-Mark Twain
Keeping our promises to ourselves, honoring ourselves, and holding onto positive affirmations build self-esteem and build greater levels of trust. Of course, we are not seeking perfection, but are working towards consistency in our agreements with self. We want to implement the 80/20 rule. This is when we are consistent 80 percent of the time with personal goals and commitments and then allow for 20 percent where agreements are renegotiated or grace is extended. When we follow the 80/20 rule, we are more likely to experience a feeling of accomplishment and success. These feelings of success can be embraced without having to feed the “perfectionism” game.
This internal focus builds self-esteem and is part of doing self-care. Let’s let go of the old narratives that say “I am too busy,” or “others demand so much of me that I can’t do self-care or nurture myself.” This does not have to be our reality. Yes, you might be busy and yes, others do have needs, but operating from a belief that there is enough time for YOU and that YOU are worthy of nurturing the relationship with yourself, can be the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to those around you.
Children who see that their parents have hobbies or other activities, learn that they are worthy of self-care as well. . . and by the way, being on our phones or on social media doesn’t count. It actually breeds more feelings of comparison and self-judgment. Hours of endlessly scrolling on our phones does not help feed our personal needs. In fact, technology is draining our ability to stay connected and orientated to ourselves and our individual identities. It definitely gets in the way of relationships with others as well. In the month of February let’s get off our phones and start living life in a more fulfilled and meaningful way. Let’s get real about real self-love.
The definition of self-care is: “The active process of making your body and mind a pleasant place to inhabit, by filling your own cup first. This ensures you have enough to give to others.”
BE OK WITH WHO YOU ARE. . . BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Loves always,
Pam